Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize