I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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