Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
