If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
