Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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