I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
