Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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