You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My vagina is very pro this idea
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
