Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
