Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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