There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
