It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
two words...techno handjob
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
