How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
