I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
