I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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