last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
