Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
