I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Farmville is her only friend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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