Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
