just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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