so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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