we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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