he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
