I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
