I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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