i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
