You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's just like the Real World with babies
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
