i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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