he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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