Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
