What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
