He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
