look no pants
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
