Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
