So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
