lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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