well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
