i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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