alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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