I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
