Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
