Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize