I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
