Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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