So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize