yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
