I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize