The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
