he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
