The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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