and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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