I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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