So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
