I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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