I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
