Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
