Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
