I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Shame - the story of my life.
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