after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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