SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
