So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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