I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
