I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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