I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
