He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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