a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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