You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
