Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
