Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
